How bullying affected my life

I was bullied for many reason, from how I looked and how I dressed to who I was.

it started years ago. when I was only 7, I got attacked by a dog and you know how children that age are, not really thinking about the consequences of their words. to them I was just a teachers pet I think, someone who was allowed to stay inside whilst the others had to be outside during break, I had a reason, it was dangerous to be playing outside because of a still healing wound.

I had to re-do a year that time, and you know how it is a totally new group of people who I didn’t know and they didn’t know me and I was different, older by a year and now with a scar in an obvious place.  over time I didn’t really know what to do.

some years past with me struggling trying ways to fit in. but I never could truly fit in. I wasn’t really into make-up of high end clothes or boys for that matter. and everyday I just started to hide who I was behind a big wall letting no one see her.. I tried sometimes and I got hurt more then once. so after a while I just decided to make a new side of me on that just copied people, became what they wanted me to be and do what they wanted instead of doing things I wanted to do or create.

and I felt unhappy.

years passed with heartache, hiding and more bullying. always the bullying from people I expected it from to people I cared for that suddenly turned on me for reasons I still don’t know or want to know. people gossiped and toyed with my feelings causing that wall to only grow, no one could see the real me they wouldn’t like her, they needed to like the mimic.

when I became an adult I started getting into a fight with myself. I wanted to show the world the real me but fear had become a dragon guarding over the wall, telling me that I shouldn’t, people don’t want to see the real you. the more I fought the stronger it seemed to get.I want to do so many things but the fear is holding me back.

the fear of being laughed at, misunderstood, mocked, ….. bullied

then one time I got a chance to create something I wanted to do, only to be hurt by the people I created it for.

I still feel unhappy, scared of doing what I really want to do, I’m trying to tame my dragon… but it’s hard for me

I want to be me, I know who I want to be because she never left, but I don’t know how

 

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Ik

Ik mis

  • het gevoel hebben ergens bij te horen
  • het toneel
  • mensen om me heen
  • mensen waar ik niet meer bij kan zijn

Ik wil

  • verder gaan
  • iemand bij me hebben
  • mensen gelukkig maken

Ik droom

  • over mijn toekomst
  • nu opnieuw
  • zonder ze te volgen

Ik wens

  • te zijn wie ik wil zijn
  • mijn pad te vinden
  • te doen wat ik wil zonder angst

wat ik wil,wens,droom of mis. zijn dingen die steeds veranderen. maar toch volgens ze een zelfde lijn. ik kan vechten voor wat ik wil, streven naar wat ik droom, vasthouden aan wat ik wens. en zoeken naar wat ik mis.

 

 

Rots

Vroeger klein en bewegelijk, zelf de wind kon my oppakken en wegdragen, ik was slechts een klein stukje in de wereld. Onbenullig en nutteloos, maar nu laat ik rivieren van stroom richting veranderen en zelf de wind moet om me heen buigen,

maar ben ik sterk

onbewegelijk

maar sterk

nee


Formerly small and movable,  the wind could pick me up and carry me away, I was only a little piece in the world. Impeccable and useless, but now I make rivers change their course and the wind itself has to bend around me,

but am I strong

immobile

but strong

No